Freya Trash crits my confidence for 100000k

My guild still raids Ulduar 25, but our main tank wants to pass MT duties there off to me. No problem! I can handle it! So this week we played a game called “Let’s pretend he’s not here and Halleigh has to MT everything.”

Things were slow and slightly rocky, but I was learning the whole time. Pacing. Where to pull. When to pull. Marking. I was being coached through a lot of it. Making some mistakes, but I was doing OK. We managed to get through much of Ulduar, two of the keepers, just fine.

Then we got to Freya.

Freya trash is now the bane of my existence.

There’s a lot of trash. It wanders around. It needs to be CCed. It needs to get taken down carefully. And I found that these complex trash pulls were too much newness for me, and panicked.

I didn’t know how to assign CC. I am not familiar enough with the different forms of CC and who can do what.  I didn’t know where my marking keys were.  I didn’t know what the kill priority was. And sometimes I couldn’t even do something simple like target all of the mobs to mark them.

It’s honestly not that hard in retrospect, but I was getting more and more stressed out. We’d get to a new pack of trash and everything we’d just done would fly out of my head. I froze up… I didn’t know what to do. I was finally so frustrated and panicked that I finally just asked my MT to mark and assign for me. (Which he did… patient guy that he is)

It was so embarrassing.

That was just one of many mistakes I made. But Freya trash in particular was just a total fail for me- I was completely overloaded with new things to do and couldn’t handle it badly enough that I panicked and handed the reins over.

I was disappointed in me… I should have been able to do this. It shouldn’t have been too much.

I wasn’t just mad at myself, I felt bad for the whole raid.

A totally new, stressing out, underconfident MT does not a smooth raid make. Ulduar was very rocky this week.

I don’t like screwing things up for 24 other people. In fact, I HATE it. I always, always feel personally responsible when my inexperience affects the course of the raid and it throws me off.

It’s a common theme for me – I am very hard on myself when things go wrong, and the frustration rises exponentially when my mistakes affect other people. I always feel a great deal of personal responsibility in these situations. (Probably too much.) On the other hand I’m pretty sure this is the same personality trait that drove me to become a tank in the first place…And will eventually make me a good MT, or at least a passable one.

Of course, it wasn’t all my fault. With a lot of uncertainty and mistake-making going on on the tank end (and my OTs were also new, making their fair share of mistakes) our guild’s usual problems like lack of raid awareness were front and center and far more noticeable than usual.

A frustrating week for everyone.

Funny that TOC is now way, way less stressful than Ulduar for me. I know TOC inside and out because our MT and I have switched jobs on pretty much every fight.

Trash. /sigh.


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About The Author

Tankadin Errant is a blog written by Anafielle, a paladin tank on Drenden - US Alliance side. (Armory)

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November 2009
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